A glance at my breastfeeding adventure

Most women who think about having babies, talk about having babies, are trying to have babies and never want babies know exactly, well maybe not exactly, what they will and will not do once they become a mother.  I had my fair share of things as well. So far many of them have come and gone, I have given some of them a try, some I never attempted and others I have stuck with, breastfeeding is one of them

Breastfeeding, I DO NOT enjoy it, some of you mom's out there are gasping at the thought. Sometimes I think that I may be the only mom in the world who is looking forward to the day that my little angle is weaned and I no longer feel that my only purpose in life is to me milked by my sweet little girl. Now it's not that I want her to get any older I still want to enjoy all her first and soak up all the baby time I can get but without the breastfeeding. Now is it possible that one day I will look back on these days and wish for them back, it's possible but feels unlikely most days. There may be something wrong with me, I'm okay with that.

I wanted to breastfeed for a few reasons: breast is best, it's FREE and all my mom friends said it was convenient, all positives for me. So like anything I did my research, talk to other mom's, took a class, found useful websites. I wanted to be successful at this and be prepared for what I was about to do. Of course you can never be completely prepared for anything that has to do with baby but I felt that I had all the knowledge I could find. Of course I had to make sure Kyle was full of all this knowledge too because I knew I would forget half of it because of my baby brain, which I have yet to get rid of. 

Now it started off like most things when you are a newly sleep deprived walking corpus wondering how in earth you are surviving off of and hour and a half of sleep, I mean parent. It had it's up and downs times I cried, yelled, swore at my poor infant daughter, wondering if my breast would ever look the same and begged my husband for formula. But like most things as a new parent after a couple weeks, and many calls to the wonderful Lactation Consultants at Wentworth Douglas Hospital, we all got the hang of it and mommy began to heal both physically and mentally and we were on the road to success, it was a long road with a few detours but non the less we were making progress. It's hard to move forward quickly when you are tired. 

Annaka is still exclusively breastfeed at 6 months and we are starting to introduce yummy veggies and fruits. I still don't get warm and fuzzy when she is nursing, I don't look down and wish for that moment to last forever and as amazing as it is, the fact that God made my body to nourish this little one, I still feel unattached to breastfeding. I feel that this is my job I am her mother and that is that. 

I have wondered if it is because Annaka and I get lots of time alone together, I am grateful for this, so It's not that in the midst of a busy day we are searching for time to connect. We still have plenty of opportunity to be close. We play together while she is awake during the day. For this I am so thankful for and love every minute of it, well maybe not EVERY minute. 

Maybe if/when we have more children when things are crazy and hectic I will cherish the time that I get to spend with a little one. Maybe it is now you go into it. While I was doing all of my research I looked at breastfeeding as a job that I mother does if she is able. I was able so it was my job and I like to do my jobs with excellence. For now I am thankful I can feed my daughter for free and give her lots of healthy antibodies. But I don't think that come a year I will be sad to say goodbye to breastfeeding. 

Stay tune 6 months from now I may be eating my own words. 

No longer and infant

I am not sure when a baby is no longer an infant but I would say that our darling little Annaka has reached that point. I feel that she has grown so much this month. You can tell that she has been watching and learning but this month, WOW!

This month Annaka has:
~Started Solids
~Stopped Solids (I think it was a little too early for rice cereal)
~Found her thumb
~Discovered where she is ticklish
~Had her first very bad diaper rash, Yikes!
~Went to her friend Logan and Zephan's birthday parties
~Really gave her head a good smack on the hardwood floor
~Rolled off a bed
~Decided her schedule was not working for her anymore (she has yet to tell me her new schedule)
~and.... Drum roll please...... SAT UP without assistance!!!

The last one was the big one and I guess when I look at this list it isn't full of a ton of firsts but for some reason our little lady just seems so much more "grown up". Everyday more and more of her sweet little personality is developing and blooming. She is such a happy little girl she loves to stare at people and stare and stare. She does not give her smiles away easily. She is always watching and listening. She loves to dance around to music. She loves to play with seltzer bottles. She is so much more interactive and has become so much more fun.

I think that I am finally starting to feel like a mom. Annaka will prefer me over other people get upset when I leave the room or leave her with someone that she is not familiar with and believe it or not it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I am not just some lady with the "liquid gold" aka breast milk that plays on the floor and makes funny faces at my daughter. I am glad for that, maybe one day I will just want a minute of peace away from my children but when that day comes I hope that I can look back on this blog and remember what it feels like for Annaka to want me over other people. Right now I also want to remember that one day when she is cool and out and about I will wish that she still preferred me over anyone else.

Dear Little Annaka,

You are so sweet. I do wish you would sleep a little longer at night but I am thankful that you have healthy lungs and a healthy appetite! I really delight in you and your sweet, sweet smile. I am thankful that with me your smiles are never limited and always come in abundance. I love that you love people, I hope that you never loose that. I pray that you use your sweet little life to always glorify your Creator.

I really, really love you so much my darling little girl.

Mommy

5 months already?!

This month flew and with Kyle being gone so much I thought it would DRAG! When I look at the calendar it doesn't feel like a very busy month. We took a trip with Kyle to Chicago which was fun and of course Annaka was a champ! She had her first vaccinations and of course was a champ. We visited friends and family and waited for Daddy to come home. Our little Annaka is growing so much and becoming so much more fun. I don't know what age that a little one passes from infant to baby but I would say that Annaka has entered babyhood. Annaka is also napping all on her own now and only waking one time at night to eat. This is WONDERFUL for mommy! I think that my daughter is fantastic. Everyday I watch as her little personality unfolds more and more. She really does bring such joy to my life.

I think that the lesson that I learned this month, well the biggest lesson, is to follow my gut! I tend to read lots of information and ask several people for advice and take the person's advice that seems the most confident. But I need to follow my gut. No one else knows my daughter or the dynamics of our family. I have learned that if I pray for wisdom use some common sense and deliver with love we will figure it out. I also need to remember that raising children can really be trial and error. So I am going to try and listen to that still small voice more often when it comes to my family.

We are looking forward to Kyle's traveling being done, a trip to Minnesota and California to visit family and friends. We are also really looking forward to moving, hopefully back to Portland ME for now.

Kyle and I love our little girl more and more each passing minute and I think that we are starting to "feel" like parents as she grows. We love the beginnings of our little family and look forward to each and every day as we are blessed with the opportunity to watch our little peanut grow into a beautiful little lady.

Our Baby Girl

Family Shot

Mother's Day with my little lady.

Nurturing Nature

I think that until you have the opportunity to watch someone grow right in front of your eyes you aren't lucky enough to really be able to understand how it all happens. I am watching someone everyday all day long and I still don't really understand. My point of view does come with the belief that there is one Creator, God and I believe the Bible to be truth. That being said.....

I think that when you become a parent the verse "Train up a child in the way he should go" begins to become more relevant, for obvious reasons. What does it mean, does it mean that you are suppose to tell your children about Jesus well yes, but what else? Does it mean you are suppose to be this over protective, over bearing mother, cause I'll do it! Or does it mean that my little one that the Lord has entrusted to me has been created by God right down to the her tiny, sweet giggles. That I am to help grow and nurture  all that God has already created her to be? I think that it means just that. I believe that we are who we are that we have been knit together in our mother's womb by the Creator and that nothing went unnoticed.  I think that my daughter likes to be held and cuddle 95% of the time not because I held her so much as an infant but because that was where she was happy and if it made her happy I obliged when I could. I think that Annaka cries out when Kyle and I exclude her from what we are doing because she likes to feel included. I believe that her sweet, easygoing disposition is not because we let people hold her or because we cart her around with us so she has learned to go with the flow. I think that she was just made this way! So I believe that all that we are good and bad the Lord knows and He created us this way with our strengths and our weakness.

So really I don't think that Annaka is a people person like her mom or quiet like her dad. Maybe she is, I do think that genetics plays a part. But really I think that she is her own little person that God created and that he for whatever reason has picked us to be her parents. I think that no matter who her parents would have been she would have been the same wonderful little girl.

I am of course am not an expert on parenting by any means, I just want my daughter to be all that God has created her to be and I want to make all the right choices by her, of course I know I will not but I can try! So for that reason I look to the word of God, the Bible, for all my answers. Some of them are easy to understand some take time, some I still don't understand. I guess though I don't need to know it all now, I just need to know it when the situation arises.

Thank you Jesus for my sweet little girl and for her wonderful personality that I have yet to unfold. Please give me the wisdom to help her be all that she is meant to be. Give me patients and understanding.

Hello Old Friend

Dear Sleep,
It has been so long since we had our usual rendezvous, I miss you dearly. I think about you all day and wish for our reunion. When that will be I do not know. I am wondering if now that I have a baby our relationship is forever changed, I hope not. When I lay my head down on my pillow to meet you for our date I can't help but think of my day. I think of my little girl, my husband, what we did, how I could have done better, what I will do tomorrow, how I can do it better. My thoughts are consumed thus I become distracted and our time together is cut short. I have been talking to Annaka about you how wonderful you are hoping that your relationship will grow. I am hoping that as your relationship grows ours will grow stronger as well. Sometimes when I lay down at night and all seems perfect for our meeting I just can't find you, maybe it is the excitement that has built up and I am so anxious to find you.

I hope you are well and even as time passes and our paths seem to grow farther and farther apart you will know that I think of you always and look forward to our 7-8 hour visits and lazy weekends laying in bed together. Till then be well old friend and if I can't enjoy you like I use to please don't forget about my dear sweet Annaka.

Sincerely,
Beth

Below I have added a photo of my little one in case you need a reminder. 

"What do you do all day?"

I always use to wonder what stay at home mothers did all day? I knew children where work but I still wondered what do they do all day long? Well now I know what stay at home moms do all day. So In case you have been wondering the same thing I thought that I would share with you what I do all day! Now I only have one little munchkin so I am not as busy as those with more than one. Annaka and I have pretty much the same routine everyday and here it is:

We are currently on a 3 hour schedule hoping to change to a 3 and a half hour schedule!!

8am Wake, nurse, diaper change, feed the pets breakfast

8:15-9:30 *Play Time ending in a diaper change

9:30-11am Nap for Annaka and Mommy if we had a bad night. If not time to shower and eat breakfast!

11am Wake, nurse, diaper change

11:15-12pm *Play Time ending in a diaper change

12-2 Laundry (Yes this is a daily task since I use cloth diapers.) Lunch, clean living space, put away laundry, give cat and dog attention

2pm Wake, nurse, diaper change

2-4pm *More play time or errands or we visit some friends and of course a diaper change

4-5pm Nap Again

5pm Wake, nurse, diaper change

5:30-6pm If it is nice out we take Gus for a walk, we wait till 5 so my little lady doesn't get sunburned.

6:00-7:00pm Quiet time, reading books, singing songs

7-8pm Night Time Routine which consist of a baby massage, bath time, another feeding and bed time stories and prayers.

8-9pm Dinner for mom, feed the pets, any last minute laundry, and praying that Annaka will fall asleep. :)

Annaka goes down for naps like a champ now something that less than a month ago I was struggling with. Now it's bed time that we must conquer. It takes me a while to get her down on a good night it takes an hour. :( Going to bed earlier hasn't helped I feel like I have tried everything!!! We will get there.

*Play for Annaka right now is reading books, puppets, licking things, rattles, singing, making faces at her tummy time and rolling over

Four months and Fabulous

When I look back at this month it feels like it flew by and wasn't too eventful. Kyle was gone most of the month for work. His little family missed him, including Gus and Blazer! For Annaka and I it was pretty much the same. We are on a 3 hour schedule. We eat, play and sleep until about 8pm when my hope is that she just sleeps. This month Annaka has been extra hungry so she has been eating every 3 hours around the clock. Very exhausting for this mommy. Maybe because I was without my partner in crime. Absents doesn't only make the heart grow fonder but it also reminds me how when Kyle isn't here I just don't work well. I am beyond thankful for my wonderful husband. Kyle is so good at making sure I have eaten and rested and am showered. He always puts my needs before his own, I am just lost without my husband. That cheesy line "You complete me." really rings true.

This month our adorable girl had some big first, I guess she does every month. It is just so amazing to watch a little human grow, learn and develop. Kyle and I try to guess what she will be like all the time. We think she will be polite, quiet, observant, sweet and a cuddle bug. Just a few things, we shall see.

~Make bubble with her spit (I only write this down as an accomplishment because the book says it is)
~LAUGHED!!! This has been one of the most exciting things I think!!!
~Her mouth found her hand
~Let Mommy and Daddy go on their second date. (Thanks Uncle and Auntie Melissa)
~Was part of "The Great Cloth Diaper Change" and was in the news paper!!!
~She has grown out of the majority of her newborn diapers
~Sat up all by herself in her Bumbo (Thanks Uncle Nic and Auntie Allison)
~Her first set of vaccinations
~Had some quality time with Uncle Nic!
~First Easter Egg hunt and she also received her first 3 baskets and a lovely book and long with 2 beautiful dresses.

A Special thanks to Miss Annaka for being so patient with her mommy this month who missed her husband. Thank you for forgiving me every time I lost my cool. You are one special baby!!!