1 Year, 12 Months. 52 Weeks, 365 Days

Last year I did not make any resolutions. I had 3 goals, nurse my baby for at least 1 year, stick with cloth diapers and keep my baby alive. I think that this is the first year that I accomplished all of my goals! At one point I did give myself a few other goals, I have been working on my business with my sister, I sewed napkins but no quilt and I only managed to blog once a month. I guess I'll try again this year!

As we now have this fast little toddler no longer a helpless infant you start to think about the rest of her life. I guess I feel like if I can keep her alive for a year I can figure all the rest out now. (yeah right!)  SO i can't help but think about my hopes for my sweetie pie. Thinking of the kind of little lady I hope she will be, the kind of people I want in her life the things that I want to shield her from (of course all things bad and awful) the experiences I want her to have. It's hard to be realistic. Knowing that there will be pain, disappointment and lots of mistakes. So what can I hope for Annaka?

So after much thought and consideration here is my as realistic as possible hopes for my sweet little sugar bear.

On the "Polar Express" In Portland Maine. 

Dear Annaka,

You are now a fiesty, talkative, curious little toddler. No longer a tiny little helpless baby, I am thankful for that. I am thankful that you made it through your first year with minor bumps and bruises. I wish that I could shield you from all things "bad" and harmful as you continue to grow and walk through life, getting you through with minor bumps and bruises. Bad experiences as well as good ones shape us to be as we grow, so instead of hoping and wishing for something that is not only impossible but also not ultimately helpful to you here are my hopes and dreams for you my dear sweet girl.

I hope that you grow to have the support of not only your parents but also of other adults in your life. Adults that you can go to when your parents are uncool or would never understand, maybe forgotten what it is like to be your age. Adults that love you and have your best interest at heart, ones that will help you walk through hard choices and big heartaches when your parents just don't make the cut.

I pray that you have a strong foundation in Jesus and your faith. So when you do have to make choices on your own you remember you are never really alone and that you will hear the still small voice of the Lord.

I pray that your father and I always turn to the Lord when it comes to guiding you as you become you. I pray that we are sensitive as well to that still small voice to help you reconize your strengths and help you foster your weaknesses.

I hope that even when you make big, big mistakes you will feel loved and supported and know that there is nothing that you could do that will shock your father and I. Remember there is absoluty nothing you can do to make us love you any less. It is only possible for us to love you more.

I pray that you understand forgiveness. Both in giving and receiving because there will be a lot of it as you grow. Including dear old mom and dad.

I hope for the kind of life experiences that do not break you but only make you stronger and wiser.

I pray for you to have confidence in who you are and who you are becoming. The kind of confidence needed to play alone, eat linch by yourself and make new friends. The kind of confidence that is only found in Jesus.

I pray that you will be blessed with friends, life long, loyal, kind friends. Friends that will love you no matter what, support you and gently correct you. You will gain these kinds of friends by being this kind of friend.

Most of all I pray that you enjoy all that Jesus has in store for you. That even now when you are still so small He will begin to work in your life and plant seeds in your sweet little heart.

I am really crazy about you Annaka. I never understood the blessing children were until I was blessed with my own. Happy Happy Birthday sweet girl.

With all the love I have to give,

Mama

Eight is better than GREAT!

What a month for our sweet little bug. I am starting to realize that the first year of life is to say the least busy. Annaka is learning and growing so much I can barley keep up. If only we grew a tenth as much as a baby in their first precious year we would all be a little bit better, I think.

I fall more and more in love with our little munchkin everyday. She is so sweet and so funny. Time does seem to be slipping by so fast. Some days I do wish she would grow up fast so I could sleep and have a schedule and some days I wish she was still that tiny little baby that would snuggle on my chest for all of her naps. I pray that I savor my time more and that I don't let it pass with out enjoying every moment. I don't want to look back at pictures and wonder where the time went, wonder how it went by so fast and wish to go back in time. Maybe every mom wishes that no matter how much she savors all those sweet little moments.

Well this month not only has Annaka been surrounded by boxes and packing tape but she is also becoming such a "big girl" or as some would call it mobile. Annaka got her bottom two sweet little teeth. I don't believe that they have completely come in but they have made an appearance.  I also learned that her favorite bath time toy is her comb. It is so funny when she lets go of it and a few seconds later searches franticly from side to side to see who has snatched it from her little grasp. The look of relief in her face once it has safely found it's way back to her hand and mouth is priceless. Annaka has also been saying "da-da", as well as lots of other babbling, is this to Kyle we are not quite sure, does she know what she is saying we don't really think so, but who knows. Our little love bug also enjoys waving hello to Blazer our cat or to nothing. Not only has Annaka finally mastered the task from rolling back to belly and belly to a sitting position this Wednesday she CRAWLED!!! I am not 100% sure but I believe that our lives as parents will never be the same.

As always Annaka is the greatest joy in our lives. Kyle and Annaka have play time in the morning while mommy catches a few zzzzz's that is nice. They also take a walk every afternoon when Kyle takes a work break. She is still enjoying all types of foods. Mainly fruits and veggies. We have given her cheese and eggs as well. I think that this month I will be brave enough to offer her meats. She is still nursing 5-6 times a day. Once or twice at night, I like the nights it is once. We are still at 3 naps a day sometimes only 2. I think that when she is sleeping better at night she will go down to two naps. We are all very excited for Annaka to get her own room! Kyle and I think this will help at night. She seems to be such a light sleeper that the slightest noise in our room and she wakes. We have yet to get rid of the pacifier. It's on our goal list.

So this is our bugs update. She is more fun, sweet, lovable, funny and full of personality everyday. We could not be more grateful for her in our lives.

No longer and infant

I am not sure when a baby is no longer an infant but I would say that our darling little Annaka has reached that point. I feel that she has grown so much this month. You can tell that she has been watching and learning but this month, WOW!

This month Annaka has:
~Started Solids
~Stopped Solids (I think it was a little too early for rice cereal)
~Found her thumb
~Discovered where she is ticklish
~Had her first very bad diaper rash, Yikes!
~Went to her friend Logan and Zephan's birthday parties
~Really gave her head a good smack on the hardwood floor
~Rolled off a bed
~Decided her schedule was not working for her anymore (she has yet to tell me her new schedule)
~and.... Drum roll please...... SAT UP without assistance!!!

The last one was the big one and I guess when I look at this list it isn't full of a ton of firsts but for some reason our little lady just seems so much more "grown up". Everyday more and more of her sweet little personality is developing and blooming. She is such a happy little girl she loves to stare at people and stare and stare. She does not give her smiles away easily. She is always watching and listening. She loves to dance around to music. She loves to play with seltzer bottles. She is so much more interactive and has become so much more fun.

I think that I am finally starting to feel like a mom. Annaka will prefer me over other people get upset when I leave the room or leave her with someone that she is not familiar with and believe it or not it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I am not just some lady with the "liquid gold" aka breast milk that plays on the floor and makes funny faces at my daughter. I am glad for that, maybe one day I will just want a minute of peace away from my children but when that day comes I hope that I can look back on this blog and remember what it feels like for Annaka to want me over other people. Right now I also want to remember that one day when she is cool and out and about I will wish that she still preferred me over anyone else.

Dear Little Annaka,

You are so sweet. I do wish you would sleep a little longer at night but I am thankful that you have healthy lungs and a healthy appetite! I really delight in you and your sweet, sweet smile. I am thankful that with me your smiles are never limited and always come in abundance. I love that you love people, I hope that you never loose that. I pray that you use your sweet little life to always glorify your Creator.

I really, really love you so much my darling little girl.

Mommy

5 months already?!

This month flew and with Kyle being gone so much I thought it would DRAG! When I look at the calendar it doesn't feel like a very busy month. We took a trip with Kyle to Chicago which was fun and of course Annaka was a champ! She had her first vaccinations and of course was a champ. We visited friends and family and waited for Daddy to come home. Our little Annaka is growing so much and becoming so much more fun. I don't know what age that a little one passes from infant to baby but I would say that Annaka has entered babyhood. Annaka is also napping all on her own now and only waking one time at night to eat. This is WONDERFUL for mommy! I think that my daughter is fantastic. Everyday I watch as her little personality unfolds more and more. She really does bring such joy to my life.

I think that the lesson that I learned this month, well the biggest lesson, is to follow my gut! I tend to read lots of information and ask several people for advice and take the person's advice that seems the most confident. But I need to follow my gut. No one else knows my daughter or the dynamics of our family. I have learned that if I pray for wisdom use some common sense and deliver with love we will figure it out. I also need to remember that raising children can really be trial and error. So I am going to try and listen to that still small voice more often when it comes to my family.

We are looking forward to Kyle's traveling being done, a trip to Minnesota and California to visit family and friends. We are also really looking forward to moving, hopefully back to Portland ME for now.

Kyle and I love our little girl more and more each passing minute and I think that we are starting to "feel" like parents as she grows. We love the beginnings of our little family and look forward to each and every day as we are blessed with the opportunity to watch our little peanut grow into a beautiful little lady.

Our Baby Girl

Family Shot

Mother's Day with my little lady.

Hello Old Friend

Dear Sleep,
It has been so long since we had our usual rendezvous, I miss you dearly. I think about you all day and wish for our reunion. When that will be I do not know. I am wondering if now that I have a baby our relationship is forever changed, I hope not. When I lay my head down on my pillow to meet you for our date I can't help but think of my day. I think of my little girl, my husband, what we did, how I could have done better, what I will do tomorrow, how I can do it better. My thoughts are consumed thus I become distracted and our time together is cut short. I have been talking to Annaka about you how wonderful you are hoping that your relationship will grow. I am hoping that as your relationship grows ours will grow stronger as well. Sometimes when I lay down at night and all seems perfect for our meeting I just can't find you, maybe it is the excitement that has built up and I am so anxious to find you.

I hope you are well and even as time passes and our paths seem to grow farther and farther apart you will know that I think of you always and look forward to our 7-8 hour visits and lazy weekends laying in bed together. Till then be well old friend and if I can't enjoy you like I use to please don't forget about my dear sweet Annaka.

Sincerely,
Beth

Below I have added a photo of my little one in case you need a reminder. 

"What do you do all day?"

I always use to wonder what stay at home mothers did all day? I knew children where work but I still wondered what do they do all day long? Well now I know what stay at home moms do all day. So In case you have been wondering the same thing I thought that I would share with you what I do all day! Now I only have one little munchkin so I am not as busy as those with more than one. Annaka and I have pretty much the same routine everyday and here it is:

We are currently on a 3 hour schedule hoping to change to a 3 and a half hour schedule!!

8am Wake, nurse, diaper change, feed the pets breakfast

8:15-9:30 *Play Time ending in a diaper change

9:30-11am Nap for Annaka and Mommy if we had a bad night. If not time to shower and eat breakfast!

11am Wake, nurse, diaper change

11:15-12pm *Play Time ending in a diaper change

12-2 Laundry (Yes this is a daily task since I use cloth diapers.) Lunch, clean living space, put away laundry, give cat and dog attention

2pm Wake, nurse, diaper change

2-4pm *More play time or errands or we visit some friends and of course a diaper change

4-5pm Nap Again

5pm Wake, nurse, diaper change

5:30-6pm If it is nice out we take Gus for a walk, we wait till 5 so my little lady doesn't get sunburned.

6:00-7:00pm Quiet time, reading books, singing songs

7-8pm Night Time Routine which consist of a baby massage, bath time, another feeding and bed time stories and prayers.

8-9pm Dinner for mom, feed the pets, any last minute laundry, and praying that Annaka will fall asleep. :)

Annaka goes down for naps like a champ now something that less than a month ago I was struggling with. Now it's bed time that we must conquer. It takes me a while to get her down on a good night it takes an hour. :( Going to bed earlier hasn't helped I feel like I have tried everything!!! We will get there.

*Play for Annaka right now is reading books, puppets, licking things, rattles, singing, making faces at her tummy time and rolling over

Four months and Fabulous

When I look back at this month it feels like it flew by and wasn't too eventful. Kyle was gone most of the month for work. His little family missed him, including Gus and Blazer! For Annaka and I it was pretty much the same. We are on a 3 hour schedule. We eat, play and sleep until about 8pm when my hope is that she just sleeps. This month Annaka has been extra hungry so she has been eating every 3 hours around the clock. Very exhausting for this mommy. Maybe because I was without my partner in crime. Absents doesn't only make the heart grow fonder but it also reminds me how when Kyle isn't here I just don't work well. I am beyond thankful for my wonderful husband. Kyle is so good at making sure I have eaten and rested and am showered. He always puts my needs before his own, I am just lost without my husband. That cheesy line "You complete me." really rings true.

This month our adorable girl had some big first, I guess she does every month. It is just so amazing to watch a little human grow, learn and develop. Kyle and I try to guess what she will be like all the time. We think she will be polite, quiet, observant, sweet and a cuddle bug. Just a few things, we shall see.

~Make bubble with her spit (I only write this down as an accomplishment because the book says it is)
~LAUGHED!!! This has been one of the most exciting things I think!!!
~Her mouth found her hand
~Let Mommy and Daddy go on their second date. (Thanks Uncle and Auntie Melissa)
~Was part of "The Great Cloth Diaper Change" and was in the news paper!!!
~She has grown out of the majority of her newborn diapers
~Sat up all by herself in her Bumbo (Thanks Uncle Nic and Auntie Allison)
~Her first set of vaccinations
~Had some quality time with Uncle Nic!
~First Easter Egg hunt and she also received her first 3 baskets and a lovely book and long with 2 beautiful dresses.

A Special thanks to Miss Annaka for being so patient with her mommy this month who missed her husband. Thank you for forgiving me every time I lost my cool. You are one special baby!!!

and then there were three...

I had my weekly doctor appointment and if I was not ready to go we were going to discuss my induction options. I remember feeling so nervous and scared, this whole time I had hoped and planned for a natural birth, or pure as my hypno birthing book liked to call it. So at my 42 week appointment, NOTHING I had not dilated anymore then the 3cm that I had at 40 weeks, so sad. So they scheduled me to go into the hospital the following day to have my baby, December 23rd 2011. I called the hospital that morning to see if they had room, they made room for me since I was so far along. Kyle and I arrived at the hospital around 9:30am.

I wanted to have the least invasive induction possible so that gave me misoprostol to soften my cervix in hopes I would then dilate with little intervention. You take a pill every four hours and after being settled in our room at about 3pm I had my first does, followed by a second does since after the first one I had still not dialated ANYMORE, our little lady had no interest in meeting face to face. So instead of offer another does Kyle and I deceided to sleep that night and try again in the morning. Since I had been in bed for the last 8 hours waiting for the misoprostol action I wanted to go for a walk before we went to bed for the night. So Kyle and I took a walk at about 10pm and settled ourselfs in for the night.

 

I tried to sleep for about an hour, but of course I was uncomfortable, being 42 weeks pregnant and all, and was having a few cramps. Nothing that had really been different than the last week. The nurse had offered me something to help me sleep but I thought I would tough it out. At midnight I rang our wonderful, sweet nurse Lauren, to let her know I was a little crampy and could not sleep. She suggested that I take a walk to see if it would pass. Sometimes the drug makes you think you are going into labor but then nothing. So I walked...

After about an hour I came back to the room. I was still "cramping" and didn't think I would be able to sleep. So Lauren said that she would check me to see if anything was happening but she thougth that it was still false labor and I had no idea, I was kinda hoping it was so I could get some sleep. I went into the bathroom and my water broke, I called out to Lauren "I think my water broke." Why I said I think I am not sure because I knew that was what happened, she didn't believe that it would happen that fast, she took a look at siad. "Oh yes, it did." So she checked me and I was at 5 cm.

From here on out it is all kind of a blurr of sitting in the shower, not wanted anyone to touch me and breathing (Thank you hypno birthing). From Midnight to about 3am I went from 5cm to pushing. I remember at one point thinking "If I want drugs it's now or never." I figured if I made it this far I could make it the rest of the way. Little did I know I had just been through the "easy" part.

Before I go on to the most magical part of the story I would just like to say that I think that everyone should have their babies at Wentworth Douglas Hospital. The staff, AMAZING they respected my wishes, I was never hooked up to any machines, I never had to stay in my bed, the nurses were encouraging and beyond supportive. I wish I could have all my babies there. Anyone who says a hospital is pushy, always wanting you to take drugs and encourages a un natural birth has never been to WDH. My midwife Laura was fantastic as well. I could not have asked for a better experience. My wish is for everyone to have that kind of experience.

Now comes that magical moment that we all see on TV that moment where you push that sweet little life out of you, all your hair stays in place, look lovingly on this new life that came out of you with a few only a swear words..... Oh wait this is NOT want happened at all!

I thankfully only pushed for 23 minutes which I am NOT complaining about, but it was anything but magical. I will spare you the details that were spared me since I couldn't see. I did not request a mirror, I needed no motivation to push. I wanted that girl OUT of me! Kyle says that I turned a color purple that he had no idea a living human could turn! And let me tell you my curly hair was looking pretty bad! We only took a couple pictures here that I will most likely not safe.

After 23 minutes we had our little crying, peeing baby girl. She cried for about 2 and a half hours which I hear is not typical. Then they took that screaming bundle of joy and did their thing, cleaned her off took her measurements. She was perfect and we were in love, tired but in love.

 

So this is how Annaka came into the world. Well it's the shorten version. I think that everything went perfect I would not have asked for a better situation. I hope you enjoyed reading this thanks for sticking with it.

If I haven't heard your story I would LOVE to! I love, love hearing about how these sweet babies are brought into this world. I love how everyone's stories are so different and how amazing the women I know are.